Same Sex Attraction and Hope

Recently a sister in my Missionary Mom's group told how her teenage son had confided that he was attracted to other boys and not to girls. She asked for assistance in knowing what to do to help her son. This was my response....

I once gave a talk in church about this same subject. I quoted Gordon B. Hinkley and I can't seem to find the talk now, so I'll say this...Our Prophets heart went out to those people in our church and in the world with same sex attraction. I feel the same way.

In a talk by Elder Holland, I found so many answers to this sisters question. I have often heard the Prophet say the same. I pray this soothes your mothers hear a little. You can find the entire article by placing the title in the search window at LDS.org.

Helping those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction

By Jeffrey R. Holland 

of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

"A pleasant young man in his early 20's sat across from me. He had an engaging smile, although he didn't smile often during out talk. What drew me in was the pain in his eyes. "I don't know if I should remain a member of the Church, " he said. "I don't think I'm worthy."

"Why wouldn't you be worthy?" I asked.

"I'm gay."

I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn't. " And...?" I inquired.

A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. "I'm not attracted to women. I'm attracted to men. I've tried to ignore these feelings or change them, but..."

He sight. "Why am I this way? The feelings are very real."

I paused, then said, "I need a little more information before advising you.  You see, same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is--just as it would be with heterosexual feelings. Do you violate the law of chastity?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't."

This time I was relieved. " Thank you for wanting to deal with this, ' I said. "It takes courage to talk about it, and I honor you for keeping  yourself clean.

"AS for why you feel as you do, I can't answer that question.  A number factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are different. Some things, including the cause of your feelings, we may never know in this life. But knowing why you feel as you do isn't as important as knowing you have not transgressed. If your life is in harmony with the commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and received all the blessings of the Savior's Atonement."

He sat up a little straighter. I continued,  "You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn't your only characteristic, so don't give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son of God, and he loves you.

"What's more, I love you. My Brethren among the General Authorities love you. I'm reminded of a comment President Boyd K. Packer made in speaking to those with same-gender attraction. ' We do not reject you, "he said." We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject  you, because we love you.'

We talked for another 30 minutes or so. Knowing I could not be a personal counselor to him, I directed him to his local priesthood leaders. Then we parted. I thought I detected a look of hope in his eyes that had not been there before. A thought he yet faced challenges to work through--or simply endure--I had a feeling he would handle them well."

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I pray that today, this article helps someone out there in cyberspace who is struggling with same sex attraction.

How amazing our church leaders are! We learn such compassion for our brothers and sisters through their examples! 

Do not shun or throw your children away when they confide in you! Love them, hug them and take the advice above and strive with your children as they try their best to live the precepts of the gospel of Jesus Christ. When or if they choose to stray from that path, remember, God loves them still--and so must you.

Learning From Our Children

My son is an undercover internal security person for our local Walmart. He is also turning his mission papers in next week. When he told me what happened that night during his shift, it brought tears to my eyes. He often comes home and unburdens himself about the people he had to detain or have arrested. He never mentions names. I'm a soft place to land...I love him dearly and he needs me. I'll do my best to relay the story as accurately as possible.
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Mom, he was there on the security camera screen again. Just standing there, hands hanging limp at his sides staring off into space with a look that made my chest hurt. I'd seen the look before, but this time it reached deep down inside of me and made me want to act, to help somehow. He looked like all his hope had been sucked dry, Mom. Each time he'd move through the store he'd stop, like he was trying to figure something out and failing miserably. So, I decided to go and talk to him. It had been four hours since he'd come into the store. I knew that after reviewing the store tapes. Too long for shopping-- but he hadn't taken a single thing.

So I approached him quietly. I stopped to talk with him. He really did seem lost, Mom. He told me his name as we talked.

When he realized I wasn't going to throw him out of the store he confided in me. I'd heard stories like his before, but somehow this man and his grief seemed even more deep. He had just been released from jail after serving a one month sentence. He had been arrested on an old warrant. He had served his month and then was dropped off at Walmart. He had no money, no home and no plans. He was overwhelmed and didn't know where to go or what to do. He had tried to call his mother, but after she was kicked out of his apartment for lack of money, she had simply disappeared. He had no other family, no connections, no job, no social security card....nothing. He was despairing....

I'm so grateful my son was the one who found this very repentant man. He said that he knew he'd done wrong. That he'd been a drinker two years previous, but before the police arrested him he'd straightened out his life and had a good job by then and was even taking care of his mom. He knew that the arrest was correct and had served his time. But no one had told him what to do next. When you are arrested, you are stripped of you social security number and must file for a new one. My son knew that from his police explorer training. They had resources for him to check out, but he hadn't understood and had failed to take advantage. So Ryan told him that he was going to try and put some things in place for him and he purchased the man some dinner in the McDonalds there in the store and told him he'd be right back...

Well, my son went from department to department all over the store telling people about the gentleman and asking for donations so that he would have a place to stay that night. Every last person he spoke with donated money. They all love my boy. He's a real sweetie. By the time he was finished he had enough money for several days at our super 8 motel and money for some food too. My son also had noticed that the man had lost a lot of weight and didn't have a belt and had to hold his pants up with his hand...so he had bought one for him while the gentleman was eating.The man simply cried when Ryan told him about all so many people had done for him. Then he and another employee drove him to and introduced him to a local church clergy nearby who had agreed to mentor him and help find him work.

All of this was done by a 19 year old who is preparing to leave for the mission field this summer. If he can do this for someone, so can we! Ask for Heavenly Father to send someone your way that you can help today. Never think, I can't help someone like that! You might miss an opportunity to change someone's life for the better--lift them up. Our son told me once, that "it's when we start thinking that we are better than the criminals, that we need to humble ourselves and think twice. Some people make one mistake and pay for the rest of their lives. Any one of us could make a wrong turn and regret it." I know in my heart that Heavenly Father will show us all the right way to live if we choose to follow Him.

Gosh I love my boys! I learn something from them every day.

Forever Valentine

This is a very special week. Feb 16th is my anniversary and of course my thoughts are drawn to the love of my life and eternal companion, Terry. He is an truly amazing guy. I find myself more in love with him after 23 years of marriage than ever before.

This week he had a simple boquet of spring flowers delivered to my door by a dear friend. So I got a hug and flowers! What a sweet surprise. He knows how much I miss springtime on my childhood Island. Daffodils and tulips were always peeking out of the ground by February there. When I think of all the lovely memories we've made through the years I have to smile. His love for me is only equal to his compassion.

I hear so many women complaining about their spouses--and I admit that at one time I was there too. But now that I've matured I realize just how good this man truly is.

Of course he has his faults and they drive me nuts once in a while! I'd be a terrible liar if I said otherwise. I do know though that I can be just as irritating and he never complains to anyone about me. He is continuously optimistic and sees the good in people. I wish I could be more like him. I've learned so much from him through the years. Especially about how to forgive and to trust.

One of the things that I cherish about him is that he has always loved our sons and has been a fine example of what a good man truly is. I see them in turn being good, fine men. They honor their priesthood just as their father does. They love their mom just as my husband loves his mom. I couldn't have asked for a better person to father my children and it shows in the choices my kids are making in life.

We made it through insurmountable odds the past few years--our family unit still intact. What held us together was the knowledge that we are in fact an eternal family--that Heavenly Father will never give us anything we can't handle. No amount of opposition or trials will separate us. We continue to pray together and we stay together sharing a truly wonderful love. I'm thankful for this wonderful man who continues to be my dearest friend and loved one. I can't count how many times he has cared for me while I've been sick or helped me mend a ragged heart.

These days he works two jobs so we can pay off my medical debts and to support our missionaries. He never complains, he smiles and whistles and sometimes sings when he walks through the door after 9pm in the evening. He's been gone since 5am. He doesn't complain if the house isn't perfect or his dinner is cold. In turn his efforts to make a better life for us make me want to be a better wife and mother.

He never criticizes how round I've become or how ill I am. He simply loves me just as I am imperfections and all. Terry's a blessing in all of our lives and I love him more dearly than ever before.

Terry, because of your example I'm a better person today than I was 23 years ago. For that and so much more I'm eternally grateful.

Happy 23rd Anniversary Sweetheart!

Love Val
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Scripture Quote: Ephesians 2:5 And ^awalk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an ^boffering and a ^csacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling ^dsavour.